Not Everyone Quits...BUT EVERYONE SUBMITS!

I haven't posted a blog in a minute mostly due to the fact that I have been incredibly busy.  Between the school and training and family...Life is busy!  As a parent and a martial arts instructor I balance both teaching my daughter in the classroom and being daddy.  As a family we all train in the martial arts!  For us it truly is a family activity.  In fact, I am hesitant to use the word "activity" because I feel for us martial arts isn't really an activity at all...it's a way of life.  Both Sheena and I were studying the martial arts long before we even met.  In fact, we met at a martial arts seminar!  So when our kids were born it wasn't even a question of whether they would "do" martial arts.  In our home and lives, martial arts is LIFE.  So from the moment they entered the world they were exposed to the martial arts.  Whether it was being in a martial arts school all the time or us practicing or training in front of them...martial arts was / is life.

Most people don't find martial arts in quite this fashion.  For them it's more like,  "I want Billy (or Suzy) to be more confident...learn self-defense...etc. etc...So let's sign them up for martial arts!"  Family hopefully does some research on the martial arts (though most probably do not) and they go to said school and sign up for classes.  Most kids fall in love with the martial arts and especially Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu (BJJ) and hopefully stick with it...however some do not.  (The reason I specifically say they love BJJ is because I have taught both traditional karate and BJJ for many years and my experience is that kids tend to stick with BJJ longer than karate - why?  A lot less memorization and BJJ offers far more personal expression through the training - this is probably a whole other blog...moving on)  Anyways, some kids do want to quit.  My favorite new quote, "I've never met an adult who was happy they were allowed to quit as a child!"  I found this statement to be very profound.  As an instructor I have dealt with many parents and kids who struggle with continuing their martial arts journey.  I understand when people have financial struggles or what I call "life stuff".  In other words, divorces happen...people move...jobs change, etc.  Those things often cannot be controlled and life sort of gets in the way of training.  What I struggle with is parents who let their kids quit for "terrible" reasons.  Example:  Billy wants to quit because it's hard.  I don't understand when people quit something because it becomes more challenging?  When things get difficult these are great opportunities for wonderful life lessons.  So what do you do when things get hard?

Quit...give up...stop trying?

I have a three step approach that I teach my daughter.
It goes like this:

Step 1:  Ask for help!
Find someone who is successful at what you're trying to achieve and seek their help.

Step 2:  Try Harder!
Sometimes our version or "trying hard" isn't always really TRYING HARDER!
So step it up and see what happens.

Step 3:  Change your approach.  If what you've done in the past isn't working, try something new!

Don't even allow quitting to be an option!  Whether it's martial arts, school or anything in life...face it head on - Overcome and Adapt!  Jiu-Jitsu is such a great metaphor for life.   BJJ is mostly about problem solving.  You get in positions and submissions that are difficult to escape from - what do you do?  You overcome and adapt (you don't over analyze - you deal with is while it's happening).  And if you do have to "submit" thats only temporary.  You address what happened and you learn how to deal with it next time around.  Everyone submits...But don't walk away and quit.

As a parent I know that sometimes its easier to take the path of least resistance.  So when Billy says I don't want to do it anymore you give in and let him walk away (knowing that following through really is the best thing for them).  Let's go back to that awesome quote again, "I've never met an adult who was happy they were allowed to quit as a child."  As a lifelong martial artist I run into people all the time who tell me they started martial arts as a kid and quit and now they wish they would have followed through.  I've NEVER once heard someone say, "I am so glad I quit martial arts when I did!"

When kids want to stop training (doesn't happen often, but it does happen) The parents often say to me, "I can't force him to do it?"  My gut reaction is to say, "Of course you can!"  As parents we "force" our kids to do things that are in their best interest all the time.  We make them do homework when they don't want too...we force them make healthy food choices...the list goes on.  As a parent I feel like my job is to be a teacher first..sort of their "tour guide" in life.  Not to be a "travel guide" - In other words point to a map and say that's where you're going...good luck and enjoy the ride!"  The tour guide is there every step of the way to help you avoid life's "pot holes" and show you all of life's wonders.  Is it easy being a parent?  HECK NO!  Is it easy to take the hard road and push when they need to pushed...of course not.  For me I actually lose sleep when someone quits martial arts (I really do)...why?  Because I am passionate about the martial arts and I know what it does for people.  It literally changes lives!

I feel like if I let them quit, I've done them a huge disservice.  So don't quit...keep on pushing through it when it feels like you can't...you will learn the most important lesson on them all...

What's the lesson?  That's for you to figure out for yourself...


http://www.Tai-Kai.com

WEEK ONE: Lessons Learned - CUT THE SH%$!

Okay I decided one week ago Sunday it was time to step up my BJJ training dramatically!  Well…week one was probably more thorns than roses.  I ended up getting some decent training in spite of a terrible cold invading my body.  It literally swept through our house last week.  It started with the kids then made its way through Sheena and I.  But alas I trudged along and trained and worked through it. 

In spite of all of it...What a valuable series of lessons I gained from it:

Just “Sweat it Out”

You’ve probably heard people say this over and over…I will go and train and “sweat it out”.  In the past, I’ve tried this method and it seemed to work and I’ve tried it and it only made me feel worse.  

So here it is from the “experts”…

In the study, patients were tested on a treadmill before they got sick. Then again at the peak of their colds. There was no difference either in lung function or how hard they could push themselves. Patients also reported symptom relief.  "Exercise causes your adrenalin levels to go up," said the Mayo Clinic's Dr. Michael Joyner. "Adrenalin is a chemical related to all the drugs used to treat cold symptoms. So when you exercise, you get a free shot of a natural drug."  Exercise when training can also reportedly help clear the sinuses too. 

Well here’s my antidotal evidence from last week: 

Woke of Wednesday feeling like shit.  Sinuses felt like crap…went to school in the  morning and trained for about 45 minutes.  Went home and was exhausted.  Woke up the next day and felt much worse.  I guess I didn’t “sweat it out” enough. 

Lesson Learned:  LISTEN TO YOUR BODY!  Took a day off…rested and then went back to LIGHT TRAINING.  I felt much, much better the next day and was almost 100% by Sunday. 

The other thing I learned about my jump back into training full time.  I am a black and white person (this is nothing new for me)…I am the kind of person who either does things 150% or not at all.  So for me returning to the mats means that I have to dive in full board.  I always say, “Have passion for your passion!”  What I mean by that statement is you have to fully embrace something if you truly want to get good at it!  One of the best books I have read in years is “The Outliers” by Malcolm Gladwell.  In this book he studies the super successful (Ie. people like Michael Jordan, The Beatles etc.)  Throughout his book he repeatedly talks about what he calls the “10,000 hour-rule”.  His conclusion is that key to success in any field is, to a large extent, a matter of practicing a specific task for a total of around 10,000 hours.  So getting back on the mats for me means that I have to make time for both live training and drilling techniques. 

One of the things that Sheena and I have found works REALLY well for us is to schedule our training.  What I mean is to literally schedule an appointment to train.  We schedule all of our training 1-2 weeks ahead of time.  We sit down and put our training times on a calendar.    This forces us to be accountable to ourselves and the commitment we have made to train!  With kids, school, work, and all of life’s “distractions” its far too easy to get off track really fast.  This one simple thing has been a complete game changer for us over the years. 

The second part is to have an accountability partner.  Here’s how it works:  You and your training partner (wife / husband / boyfriend / girlfriend, etc.) have a deal with each other that you will push each other to train REGARDLESS of how one of you feels!  

There’s NO BULL SHIT...NO CRAP..AND NO EXCUSES…if one person is trying to talk their way out of a class or training session … the other person needs to be the “voice of reason” and push them to train (in spite of what ever is going on).  My Mantra, “I act in spite of how I feel”.  Feel free to use it J 

So as I continue my journey to my BJJ Black Belt I will keep busting my ass…and regardless of what is going on in my life…(learned this one in the Army from a Drill Sergeant) 

“I WILL DRIVE ON LIKE A GOOD SOLDIER!"

"NO EXCUSES - TIME TO CUT THE SHI%!

PS.  I am starting the “MMA MOM Cleanse” this week…so here’s to a healthy liver and colon  - I will let you now how it goes J

WHY I QUIT BRAZILIAN JIU-JITSU!

I started training in Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu around 1996.  At that time I was teaching Martial Arts at a fitness center in Wilmington Delaware.  (I was affiliated with the Tai-Kai school in Syracuse – except we weren’t calling it Tai-Kai just yet).  I decided (along with Ken Kronenberg and Scott Schultz to compete in an MMA Style event called the “Fearless Fighting Challenge” in Virginia).  At the time I was teaching mainly Japanese Jujutsu – very little grappling and more self-defense oriented.  I didn’t really know much about submission grappling at the time – and definitely sucked by today’s standards.  But it was 1996 and hardly anyone was doing BJJ.  Think about it…the first UFC was in 1993!  Anyways, I took this fight and lost a decision after a thirty minute battle.  The next day we were all invited to Mario Yamasaki’s(the now very popular UFC referee) BJJ school to train.  I immediately fell in love with BJJ!  I loved the training so much that I would continue to drive to Yamasaki’s school (an almost 3 hour drive each way) whenever I could to train in Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu.  I would go on to completely embrace Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu and train almost exclusively in BJJ (In fact we would go on to name the Syracuse and Delaware schools “Tai-Kai Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu”).  I would own and run the Delaware Tai-Kai school until 2003 when I would go on to sell the school and relocate to Colorado with my now wife Sheena.  

When I got to Colorado I ended up working for a large karate school chain.  Career wise it definitely served me well as I had the opportunity to learn sales and marketing from one of the best in the world. 

BUT BJJ-wise it wasn’t so great!  I had a very limited opportunity to only train with beginners and hardly ever roll with anyone with skills.  Unfortunately this really hurt my progress in BJJ.  Just to put it all in perspective…I received my brown belt in 2001 along with ken Kronenberg and Scott Schultz!  So that means I have now been a brown belt for almost eleven years (ouch).  I always half jokingly say I am trying to set a record for the longest BJJ brown belt in history.  Truthfully it really bothers me that my training has been so inconsistent.  I turn 43 years old in May…again ouch!  People always tell me why do you care about turning 43?  You look so young…  But it does bother me… regardless.  I have watched five of my former students go on to earn the coveted BJJ Black Belt!  (and three other close friends who started with me on the BJJ path all go on to earn their own BJJ black belts)  Of course I am VERY happy for them…but there is a part of me that gets secretly bummed out when I see others get their BJJ Black Belt.   Last May I relocated my entire life / family back to Central New York so we could be closer to family and so Sheena and I could train.  For various reasons (and none of them all that strong) I haven’t been able to train the way I really want too.  In fact I have gotten so discouraged that I have now “officially quit BJJ” twice in the past six months.  The last time was just a week ago when I became VERY frustrated with my lack of training schedule so I told my wife Sheena “I was hanging up my brown belt once and for all!”  One thing anyone who trains seriously in BJJ knows for sure is that it’s REALLY hard to progress in BJJ unless you roll (grapple) consistently.  Otherwise you are just reminded how out of shape you are and how much you really suck!  I have always said, Jiu-jitsu…good or bad is the "ultimate lesson in honesty!"  The mats don’t lie…every time you train, you know exactly where you are skill wise!

So when I decided to have this most recent “pity party” I thought this is it…I’m done!   But of course the mats have a way of always pulling you back.  It’s been a series of things that have all happened in the past week that have really "woken me up".   Physically I have gained some unwanted extra weight.  In addition, my blood pressure has been a little higher than I would like to admit.  So I definitely need to get in better shape.  But that’s not the only reason (if I wanted to just get in shape I would get a gym membership).  I’ve really noticed that when I don’t train I am moody…grumpy and not myself.   Honestly…I don’t like that version of me.  I like how I feel when I am in shape and training BJJ.  There’s nothing more empowering that being in the "BJJ Zone". People who train BJJ get this…  I desire it and need it more now than ever.  I also feel like I owe is to my own children…the kids I teach everyday…and ultimately myself to earn my Black Belt.  So here it is.  I’m actually a fairly private person (believe it or not).  But there is something really empowering about saying it out loud so the world can hear you…about being really brutally honest with yourself…   I am making a commitment to getting my BJJ Black Belt…to get on the mats as much as possible…to train like I’ve never trained before and I will say it again…GET MY BJJ BLACK BELT!  I turn 43 years old in two and a half months – I’m jumping on my own bandwagon to enter my forty third year in the best shape of my life AND ON THE ROAD TO FINALLY GETTING MY BJJ BLACK BELT.     It starts right now and I’m not looking back.   

It’s "TIME TO SHIT" – cause honestly I can’t stand being “off the pot”.   Right now I don’t feel like I deserve to be a Black belt!  I have work to do…and that’s okay by me.  I will do the work.

So there you have it…as honest as I can be. I am making a commitment to myself to stay the course and I will blog my training online for no other reason than to keep me honest. I also plan to get back on the competition mats REALLY SOON and see what happens… 

I look forward to seeing you on the mats…

I expect nothing less than to be pushed harder than ever and I will begrudgingly and humbly tap when I need too…   

Not sure anyone will read this...doesn't really matter since I really wrote it for me.  

"If you raise your children to feel that they can accomplish any goal or task they decide upon, you will have succeeded as a parent and you will have given your children the greatest of all blessings." -Brian Tracy