Not Everyone Quits...BUT EVERYONE SUBMITS!

I haven't posted a blog in a minute mostly due to the fact that I have been incredibly busy.  Between the school and training and family...Life is busy!  As a parent and a martial arts instructor I balance both teaching my daughter in the classroom and being daddy.  As a family we all train in the martial arts!  For us it truly is a family activity.  In fact, I am hesitant to use the word "activity" because I feel for us martial arts isn't really an activity at all...it's a way of life.  Both Sheena and I were studying the martial arts long before we even met.  In fact, we met at a martial arts seminar!  So when our kids were born it wasn't even a question of whether they would "do" martial arts.  In our home and lives, martial arts is LIFE.  So from the moment they entered the world they were exposed to the martial arts.  Whether it was being in a martial arts school all the time or us practicing or training in front of them...martial arts was / is life.

Most people don't find martial arts in quite this fashion.  For them it's more like,  "I want Billy (or Suzy) to be more confident...learn self-defense...etc. etc...So let's sign them up for martial arts!"  Family hopefully does some research on the martial arts (though most probably do not) and they go to said school and sign up for classes.  Most kids fall in love with the martial arts and especially Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu (BJJ) and hopefully stick with it...however some do not.  (The reason I specifically say they love BJJ is because I have taught both traditional karate and BJJ for many years and my experience is that kids tend to stick with BJJ longer than karate - why?  A lot less memorization and BJJ offers far more personal expression through the training - this is probably a whole other blog...moving on)  Anyways, some kids do want to quit.  My favorite new quote, "I've never met an adult who was happy they were allowed to quit as a child!"  I found this statement to be very profound.  As an instructor I have dealt with many parents and kids who struggle with continuing their martial arts journey.  I understand when people have financial struggles or what I call "life stuff".  In other words, divorces happen...people move...jobs change, etc.  Those things often cannot be controlled and life sort of gets in the way of training.  What I struggle with is parents who let their kids quit for "terrible" reasons.  Example:  Billy wants to quit because it's hard.  I don't understand when people quit something because it becomes more challenging?  When things get difficult these are great opportunities for wonderful life lessons.  So what do you do when things get hard?

Quit...give up...stop trying?

I have a three step approach that I teach my daughter.
It goes like this:

Step 1:  Ask for help!
Find someone who is successful at what you're trying to achieve and seek their help.

Step 2:  Try Harder!
Sometimes our version or "trying hard" isn't always really TRYING HARDER!
So step it up and see what happens.

Step 3:  Change your approach.  If what you've done in the past isn't working, try something new!

Don't even allow quitting to be an option!  Whether it's martial arts, school or anything in life...face it head on - Overcome and Adapt!  Jiu-Jitsu is such a great metaphor for life.   BJJ is mostly about problem solving.  You get in positions and submissions that are difficult to escape from - what do you do?  You overcome and adapt (you don't over analyze - you deal with is while it's happening).  And if you do have to "submit" thats only temporary.  You address what happened and you learn how to deal with it next time around.  Everyone submits...But don't walk away and quit.

As a parent I know that sometimes its easier to take the path of least resistance.  So when Billy says I don't want to do it anymore you give in and let him walk away (knowing that following through really is the best thing for them).  Let's go back to that awesome quote again, "I've never met an adult who was happy they were allowed to quit as a child."  As a lifelong martial artist I run into people all the time who tell me they started martial arts as a kid and quit and now they wish they would have followed through.  I've NEVER once heard someone say, "I am so glad I quit martial arts when I did!"

When kids want to stop training (doesn't happen often, but it does happen) The parents often say to me, "I can't force him to do it?"  My gut reaction is to say, "Of course you can!"  As parents we "force" our kids to do things that are in their best interest all the time.  We make them do homework when they don't want too...we force them make healthy food choices...the list goes on.  As a parent I feel like my job is to be a teacher first..sort of their "tour guide" in life.  Not to be a "travel guide" - In other words point to a map and say that's where you're going...good luck and enjoy the ride!"  The tour guide is there every step of the way to help you avoid life's "pot holes" and show you all of life's wonders.  Is it easy being a parent?  HECK NO!  Is it easy to take the hard road and push when they need to pushed...of course not.  For me I actually lose sleep when someone quits martial arts (I really do)...why?  Because I am passionate about the martial arts and I know what it does for people.  It literally changes lives!

I feel like if I let them quit, I've done them a huge disservice.  So don't quit...keep on pushing through it when it feels like you can't...you will learn the most important lesson on them all...

What's the lesson?  That's for you to figure out for yourself...


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